Merry Christmas!

Um...I know this is a tad late but, Merry Christmas & Happy New Year! Well, you can always think of it as a super early Christmas greeting for this year. Christmas just kinda came and went, didn't feel the Christmas spirit at all. New Years was very chill, just watched movies at Susan's. I only look forward to the holidays now because of time off from work. Pretty sad huh? I took the whole week off for New Year's, so that was fun. Do I have any New Year's resolutions? No. I don't believe in New Year's resolutions because you can change and do all these "resolutions" any day of the year. Why must you wait for New Year's? With that said, here are things I would like to accomplish in the near future.

1. Work out at least 3x's/week. I haven't gone in over 2 years, but have still been paying for it. What a fool. Besides, I need to get buff so I can wear a skanky outfit for Halloween this year.
2. Masturbate more. Scientists claim that men who ejaculate regularly have a lower chance of getting prostate cancer. I definitely am not getting laid enough, so I must supplement with masturbation.
3. Stop procrastinating, especially with posting photos. I've said a million times that I would post photos of my trips, but still have not. LAME. I bet you guys are starting to wonder if I really took all those trips or not. From this past year or so, I have accumulated about 15k worth of photos. I usually delete 90% of my photos, so I won't be posting that many. Here's a glimpse of what's to come.

P.S. Why yes, I was a P.I.M.P. in the 6th grade.

Thoughtful Girlfriend

Kenny has the most thoughtful girlfriend. I <3 you Lynn!

Angels Do Exist

"There are two ways to look at the world. As if everything is a miracle, or if nothing is a miracle." - Albert Einstein

I think I'll choose the former.

The Cycle of Friendship

"There is no such thing as a stranger, only a friend you haven't met."

- Author Unknown -

When we're born into this world, we know no one but our family. Somewhere along the path of life, we run into many strangers who soon become our friends. Many walk through but only a select few manage to leave footprints. Strangers become acquaintances, and acquaintances become friends. Unfortunately, friends can also become strangers. One day you're as close as close can be. Then a few days pass by without talking to each other. Soon a few weeks fly by and before you know it, the friendship is no longer what it used to be. As long as the sun will rise and set, so will your friendships. As strangers become friends, friends become strangers.

Looking back at all the friends that I've made throughout my life, and friends that have become strangers, I realize that I need to break the cycle. I need to break the part where a friend becomes a stranger. I choose my friends very carefully and anyone who was, is, and will be my friend is someone worth keeping. As of this moment, I've decided on a resolution that I plan to keep for the rest of my life: to keep in touch with all my friends, old and new. It only takes a simple phone call or a instant message to rekindle an old friendship. Do it for the good old times and the future ones to come.

Bodyworlds

A few months back, I went to a very interesting exhibit called "Bodyworlds." It's a moving exhibition of the human body that travels around the world. They usually offer it at several locations at the same time. Right now, it's at Salt Lake City, Houston, London and Belgium. They preserve human bodies through a process called plastination.

I jotted down some interesting facts I learned from the exhibit, but I totally forgot about them till the other day. So I'll share them now. Better late than never, right?

Broken Heart Syndrome - There is a medical condition called Broken Heart Syndrome AKA Takotsubo cardiomyopathy. You can literally die of a broken heart. The symptoms are very similar to a heart attack, except all your cholesterol levels check out fine. So the next time someone says "I can't live without him/her!", they might not be acting overly dramatic.

Lance Armstrong - Lance Armstrong is a freak. He was born with a heart that's 33% larger than the norm. Yes, he still trains super hard for all his tournaments, but that makes more sense why he's won so many Tour de France tournaments.

Veins & Arteries - If you were to unravel all your veins and arties and lined them up, they would measure over 60,000 miles! That's twice the circumference of Earth! Pretty crazy, huh?

The exhibit showcased several full human bodies doing various sports. They sliced away some parts to show you how the muscles and everything looked while performing that activity. I couldn't help but stare at the male cadavers' penises. I wasn't turned on by them, FYI! It was just interesting to stare at. Some of them had really big penises, even for being flaccid. There were also some really small penises. I remember reading a story about chinese cadavers being illegally used for the exhibit. Those were probably the chinese cadavers.

And last but not least, there were fetuses in jars. They freaked me out. Basically, they had many jars showing a fetus in varying stages of development. The first fetus was so small, like the size of a bug. It's extremely creepy and disturbing to see a little human in a jar.

Overall, I had a very fun time at the exhibit. I was just sad that they didn't allow photos inside, but other than that, it was a really cool exhibition.

Final Destination

Ever since watching Final Destination, I've been a bit paranoid about getting killed by a freak accident. The one scene that I vividly remember is the car accident scene from Final Destionation 2, where the logs from the truck gets loose and fly through the windshield. Whenever I'm driving, I'm super weary of cars/trucks that are carrying something that can potentially be launched at me during an accident. I try to speed up and past them, or change lanes so that I'm not behind them. I know I'm being overly paranoid because the chances of that happening is not very high. Plus, it's not like I've escaped death before. But since I'm only 26 (even though I feel very old), there are many things in life I have yet to experience. Dying this young would really suck. So to secure my chances of not dying young, I've decided to write Death a heartfelt email.

Dear Death,

How are you? I'm writing to you in hopes that I won't have to see you for another 60 years or so. Please don't take this personally. I would love to see you when my time comes, but please don't take me till then. I've only lived a mere 26 years and I have much to do and experience.

I have yet to be Featured on Xanga.

I have yet to see my favorite band, Coldplay, in concert.

I have yet to go skydiving and feel the full power of g-force against my face.

I have yet to make my parents really proud.

I have yet to make six figures.

I have yet to conquer procrastination.

I have yet to edit and post all the photos I've taken.

I have yet to stalk Steve Carell and tell him "That's what she said!"

I have yet to travel the globe. I want to eat fresh crepes by the Leaning Tower, watch a sunset on Stonehenge, go dog sledding in Antarctica, ride an elephant in Thailand, see a poison dart frog in it's natural habit in the Amazon Rainforest, take a picture with a fobby peace sign in front of a pyramid, go on an African Safari, and watch the toilet water whirl counter-clockwise in Australia.

Last, and most importantly, I have yet to experience true love. I haven't even been into a serious relationship before. It's not that I don't want to, I just can't seem to find it yet but I'm definitely working on it. Please give me more time.

As you can see, I have many many more miles to go before I sleep. I'm no where close to my final destination, but I do look forward to getting there some day. Until then, please don't visit me. Kthanxbai.

Sincerely,
Wuwu

If you would like to email him too, you can do so at death@gmail.com. Just don't ask me where I got his email from.

Why I Look Hot in Big Sunglasses

I'm very thankful to Nicole Richie, Lindsay Lohan and all those drugged out starlets & fashionistas for making big sunglasses popular. Before the big sunglasses trend, I was very insecure with my looks and even contemplated plastic surgery. Now I walk around in public thinking I'm the hottest bitch around.

Wearing big sunglasses...

1. makes me look mysterious. If I add a hat, I'm almost ninja status. The less of your face you show, the more cooler you look.
2. hides my bushy eyebrows from view. Also, it makes my nose appear smaller and lips thinner in comparison.
3. projects all the attention to the sunglasses. My face isn't hot enough to be the main actor, but it makes an awesome supporting actor.

Now that I think about it, I would be so hot if I only had a smaller nose, thinner lips, less bushy eyebrows, bigger eyes and a muscular body. Oh well, at least I have my pleasant personality. I should just concentrate on what I can change (get my eyebrows cleaned up and start working out), and buy more big sunglasses.

In theory, big sunglasses are capable of making almost anyone look hot. Have you tried on a pair lately?

Skidmarks

I was up late the other night, channel surfing, when I landed on an syndicated episode of "Sex & the City." I've seen a couple of episodes before, and find it pretty entertaining. A gay guy that likes "Sex & the City?" How weird! Anyway, this episode was about Miranda, the lawyer chick, and this scrub that she was dating. He had moved in with her and she was doing his laundry. As she was loading them up in the washing machine, she noticed skidmarks on his tighty whities! She was disgusted, like any normal human being (minus the scatters, R. Kelly, and the stars of "2 Girls & A Cup.)" I started thinking of how I would react if that happened to me. Would I mention it to my significant other jokingly? Or would I just ignore it and pray to the gods that it will never happen again? There really is no excuse to have skidmarks. You should always keep your butt hole clean! Is it really that hard to wipe until you see no brown? Dig in a few inches just to be safe. Just like what your mamma always said, "You should always have clean underwear." Well, you should always have a clean butthole too.

What would you do if you found skidmarks on your significant other's undies?

Song of the Day

Ryan Tedder is the lead singer of OneRepublic. This is a rare unreleased song he did solo before his band made it big.

Explosive

My mom has a super power.

She has the power to piss me the fuck off.

If you know me IRL (in real life), you'd know that I'm a very chill, laid back, kinda guy. I don't get mad easily, and I simply hate HATE drama. I also make it a point to not make a big deal out of things. When I catch myself doing any of the above, I check myself and force myself to just let it go. Woo saaaaaaaaaahh! Usually, it takes a lot of piss me off, but when I do, you probably don't want to be around me.

My mom, on the other hand, is the complete polar opposite of me. She's incredibly stubborn, super paranoid, overly dramatic, makes mountains out of molehills, and she doesn't seem to understand the word "No." We're as different as night and day and we mesh as well as oil and water. Our relationship is very volatile and explosive. She has this power over me. With one look, one action, one simple sentence, she has the ability to break down all my barriers and unleash my inner rage. She seems to be able to push my buttons with such ease, it's scary. It makes me feel out of control. Why am I able to stay so calm and collected all the time, but completely lose it when I'm in her presence?

I'll illustrate an example. My mom swears by all these different types of Chinese soups she makes. She blindly believes that they are magical panaceas. She would probably tell you that her soups can grown back a limb. I, on the other hand, dislike Chinese soup and would rather not drink it. Especially since she tends to use chicken bone in her soups, and that contains a ton of cholesterol. Every time I see her, she asks me if I want soup. Of course I say no, but she always gets a bowl for me anyway. What's the point of asking me? Sometimes, when I really dislike the soup, or I'm very full, I'm very adamant about not drinking the soup. She's is very adamant about getting me to drink it, and thus, we clash. I know this sounds very dumb, but she is very relentless. She will keep nagging me non-stop, and sometimes, I will not give in. It's not really about the soup, it's the fact that I said "NO" and she won't listen. This may seem trivial, but the fact that she does this with many other things and she's been doing it to me my whole life, really gets under my skin.

I've tried woo saaaahhh with her, but it simply doesn't work. I need something more potent, but I have yet to find a solution. To be completely honest, if she wasn't my mom, I would not have her in my life. I know that is a very mean thing to say, but it's the truth. I'm very picky with the type of people I have in my life. Who wants toxic, unhealthy relationships?

But alas, she is my mom. She has done a lot for me and I must do everything in my power to make our relationship work. And I'm pretty sure she doesn't do these things to piss me off intentionally. It's just that we're such different people. This apple fell very very far from the tree. We're not even in the same garden anymore. Ever since I've moved out 9 years ago, our relationship has gotten a little bit better, but there's still a long way to go.

If you have a difficult parent, how do you deal?

EDIT: Apparently, PENIS is not appropriate for Xanga's frontpage.

Excuse Me Sir, Are You Staring At My Penis?

Last week, I went to a pretty small Chinese restaurant for dinner. It wasn't exactly hole-in-the-wall small, but definitely not a great idea to go there with a large group. I've been there on several occasions before. While the food here is sub par at best, it's really close to my place. Convenience and laziness always seems to win over my desire to travel further to have Chinese food of superior quality. I placed my usual order of Ma Pow Tofu, Lemon Chicken, and Walnut w/ Shrimp and proceeded to the restroom to take a leak.

The bathroom wasn't exactly squeaky clean, but it's not too shabby compared to most Asian restaurants. There were two urinals, side by side with no divider in between. Don't you just hate those? You get no privacy at all! Well, it's good when I'm peeing next to a hot guy. But other than that specific occasion, urinals with no dividers suck ass. So I was peeing merrily, whistling the tune from Giligan's Island, minding my own business, when an old white man enters the restroom. He didn't look creepy at all, clean shaven, and dressed to impress. I thought nothing of it when he started peeing in the urinal just a few inches away from mine.

Mid-pee, my sixth sense started tingling. You know how you can sometimes feel when a person is staring at you? I looked to my left, and lo and behold, the man was staring at my penis! He wasn't trying to sneak a peak. He was blatantly staring at my love toy with no shame at all.

"Uh...Excuse me sir, but are you staring at my penis?"

While STILL staring at my penis, he replied..."No, not at all son."

WHAT THE H to the E to the DOUBLE HOCKEY STICKS? I mean I can't really blame him for staring. Who wouldn't want to catch a glimpse of this sexiness? But dude, do it with more tact. I quickly finished up, gave it two quick shakes, zipped up, and ran out the door. I didn't even remember to wash my hands because I was still a little shaken up. As I sat back down on my table, I saw the old man come out of the bathroom and walked out of the restaurant. I stared at him the whole time, but not once did he look at me.

I was about to tell my friend what happened, but the Lemon Chicken came out and I totally forgot about the whole thing.