Romantic Fish Story

My friend posted this on her Facebook:

"Andy decided to buy a fish bowl full of different kind of colorful fishies to surprise me after our 5 day Las Vegas trip. Well, before we left, he sneaks into the other room to secretly feed them. Thinking we were going to be gone for quite a while, he decides to feed them (5 days worth of fish flakes) so they wouldn't starve. After we come back from our trip, my surprise was a bowl of rotten stinky fish floating to the top. Boy.. was I surprised alright haha!"

Andy aka "The Fish Murderer"

This is the CUTEST story I've ever heard. But wait, it gets even cuter, to cuteoverload status. My friend's bf bought these fish for her because it was their anniversary and it was his way of saying "there's plenty of fish in the sea, but I choose you." And get this, they met on PlentyOffish.com, the super popular free dating website.

Why can't I find a guy like this?

Mochi, Joey's Step Sister

I got a chance to visit Mochi a couple weeks ago. It's been almost 4 years since I've last seen her. Sadly, I don't think Joey remembers her. I still wonder sometimes if I should've kept her, but seeing how happy and healthy she is puts my heart at ease. Hopefully I'll get to see her again soon.

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Always Listen to Your Fortune Cookie

My momma always said, "It bad luck not listen to fortune cookie."

So, who wants a BJ?

Just kidding...

...maybe.

Have a Garbage-free Day

My friend emailed this to me. You should definitely take a minute to read this.

One day I hopped in a taxi and we took off for the airport. We were driving in the right lane when suddenly a black car jumped out of a parking space right in front of us. My taxi driver slammed on his brakes, skidded, and missed the other car by just inches! The driver of the other car whipped his head around and started yelling at us. My taxi driver just smiled and waved at the guy. And I mean, he was really friendly. So I asked, 'Why did you just do that? This guy almost ruined your car and sent us to the hospital. This is when my taxi driver taught me what I now call, 'The Law of the Garbage Truck.'

He explained that many people are like garbage trucks. They run around full of garbage, full of frustration, full of anger, and full of disappointment. As their garbage piles up, they need a place to dump it and sometimes they'll dump it on you. Don't take it personally. Just smile, wave, wish them well, and move on... Don't take their garbage and spread it to other people at work, at home, or on the streets. The bottom line is that successful people do not let garbage trucks take over their day.

Life's too short to wake up in the morning with regrets, so...Love the people who treat you right. Pray for the ones who don't. Life is ten percent what you make it and ninety percent how you take it!

The Best Compliment I've Ever Gotten

As I mentioned before, I took a week long trip to the ATL & Chicago last month. In ATL, I met up with the lovely Michinyon. She doesn't really update anymore, but she used to be pretty active on Xanga back in the good ol' days when Xanga was a bustling metropolis instead of a desert wasteland like it is now. During dinner, she told me something that brightened up my year.

M: I have a confession to tell you.
Me: you have a huge crush on me?
M: HA! no.
Me: You have a hot korean guy stashed away for me and we're going to meet him after dinner?
M: Yes, that's it. Who told you!? JK
Me: Aww don't play with my emotions like that. I'm fragile.
M: Anyway, what I wanted to tell you was that from reading your blog, you didn't seem like the type of person I would want to be friends with.
Me: Really? No one has told me that before.
M: Yea...like I didn't get why you were popular. I just didn't see what the big deal was.
Me: ok...*awkward silence*
M: BUT...now that I met you. I totally get it. =)

Then we made out for 5 minutes straight. What can I say? She knows the right words to say to get in my pants. She's a hot korean too, too bad she missing something in her crotch. *sigh*

I guess I need to put a disclaimer up on my blog.

DISCLAIMER: If you think I'm awesome now, just wait till you meet me. I'm even more awesome IRL (in real life).

Wuwu from Where the Wild Things Are

I dressed up as Max this year. All the supplies used to make this costume was brought from a craft store and my friend's mom sewed the costume for me. All the supplies ended up costing around $60. I never really cared for Halloween, until I started dressing up. Now it's becoming one of my favorite holidays! I'm already thinking about what I should be next year already. Any ideas?

Me and the Ambiguously Gay Duo, Gary & Ace. After I took the pic w/ them, the guy on the left says to me, "you're only allowed to take pics with girls for the rest of the night." Little does he know... >=)

Me and Lady Gaga on Halloween Eve. I found her roaming around the streets of Hollywood. She was slightly inebriated.

Screw You 24-Hour Fitness!

I've had my 24-Hour membership for 3.5 years, but I haven't gone in 3 years. I'm paying $36 a month so that's over $1200 down the drain. I kept on telling myself I would go next week, but the weeks turned into months and the months turned into years. I finally went into the gym the other day, not to work out, but to cancel my membership.

There was an episode of Friends where Chandler tried to cancel his membership but got persuaded not to from a hot female employee. So Ross goes down to the gym to help him out, but he ended up getting a gym membership of his own, from that same hot female employee. While this might be a slight exageration, gyms are known to be very persuasive, and they do hire hot people.

While I was sitting, waiting for the Membership Manager, I kept thinking to myself...don't be a hot korean, don't be a hot korean, don't be a hot korean, I should've masturbated before I came here, don't be a hot korean.

After waiting for about 5 minutes, the manager was finally ready to see me. The second I saw his face, I knew I was fucked (and not in a good way). Mr. David Choi was so hot. When he shook my hands with this firm but gentle grip, I almost jizzed in my panties. He looked like a hybrid between Daniel Henney and Wentworth Miller. *swoons*

David: Hey Mr. ____, can I call you John?
Me: *thinks to myself: you can call me whatever you like baby* Yea
David: Why do you want to cancel your membership? We have many...

I'm not exactly sure what he said after that. I just started daydreaming about us getting all hot and sweaty from working out and then going to the locker room to take a shower. When I snapped back into reality, not only did I not cancel my membership, I had sign up for a personal trainer. FML!

So screw you 24-hour fitness....for hiring such hot people to steal our money!

Do Not Attempt to Outhomo Me

I can and will always take it to the next level baby.

Why do straight guys even try? Amateurs.

Yosho Wants to Take it Up the Ass...

by a 350lb black guy. I always sensed with my 99.99% accurate gaydar that he might be mildly homo, but not this homo. He wrote an entry that asked all his readers to ask him a question. Someone asked (not me):

"Q: if you were sent to prison and a big, butch, 350 pound black dude gave you the option of taking it in the ass or tossing his salad, which would you choose?"

His response:

"I'd probably take it in the ass, at least the action itself is more or less out of my control as opposed to salad tossing which is... well... horrifying. (unless you're Wuwu)"

I love how Yosho always mentions me whenever he talks about anything homo-related. I feel special. <3333

Let's analyze his answer. So given two options, both of which I presume he doesn't find pleasurable, he picks taking it up the ass. Now I'm not straight (obviously), but if I were, I would definitely choose tossing his salad. Isn't this the obvious choice? Or am I missing something? Allow me to elaborate.

1. black guy - average penis size 8"
2. 350 lb black guy - 8" + 2" (1"+ for every 50lbs after 250bs) = 10"

So he'd rather take it up the ass from someone with a 10", possibly even bigger, penis instead of something painless like tossing salad? Yes, it's gross but it's painless. Given the option of licking an asshole or getting my asshole tore up from the floor up, i choose licking an asshole. And imagine the girth on that monster cock. Penis sizes are usually proportional to a guy's body type. The only plausible explanation I can think of is...Yosho likes it up the ass.

Still not convinced of his homo tendencies? Let me remind you with these pics. Keep in mind that Yosho was not inebriated.

Yes, I'm very bitter and maybe jealous that I got outhomo'd by three straight guys.

I Won BIG in Vegas

Last weekend, I took a much needed vacation in Vegas. Although I lost like $300, I still won big.

I think this is worth more than $300, don't you? So technically, I'm up. I won this at Circus Circus, at the "Toss a Quarter Into the Dish" game. You know it's one of those impossible games because it only takes one quarter to win a bigass prize. Somehow, I managed to get a quarter on the dish on the VERY FIRST TOSS! HELLZ YEAH! So of course, I went and bought the lottery that night. Seeing as I'm still updating my xanga, you can guess that I didn't win the jackpot. I guess I only have luck getting giant bananas.

Winning BIG wasn't the highlight of my trip. Thunder Down Under was! NDM was nice enough to give me his extra tickets. He has the season pass or something, and had free tickets. Thanks man!