March 24, 2009
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Work Restroom Horror Story
This JUST happened. I'm scarred for life.
I had just gotten back from eating a big lunch not too long ago when I felt a super strong urge to poop. I HATE pooping at work, and will avoid it at all costs. But today, I couldn't hold it for another 4 hours. I had to poop now, or risk soiling myself. I did a little prayer before I headed to the bathroom, hoping that by some one in a million chance, I would have the restroom all to myself. I can poop with the quickness, so I just needed 30 seconds or so and I would be done.
When I got in, there was a guy peeing in the urinal so I surreptitiously went into the first stall I saw before he had a chance to see my identity. I was so quick and quiet, I bet he didn't even know anyone entered a stall. Well, that was until I accidentally slammed the stall door. Oops. A man that has a desperate urge to poop can sometimes be clumsy. I was going to wait until the peeing co-worker left, so I would have the restroom all to my lonesome before I engaged myself in poop mode, but then I realized something...something I once had a nightmare about...something I dreaded more than watching an explicit sex scene with my parents. We have three stalls, and I was sandwiched in between two people pooping. THIS IS THE WORSE CASE SCENARIO. Well, next to pooping in between two people and realizing you're out of toilet paper. When the peeing coworker left, there was dead silence. You could hear an ant fart. Shit, what am I going to do now? I can't poop in dead silence in between two guys who are within 2 feet of me!
Luckily, after a minute of super awkward silence (a minute that felt like decades), another person entered the restroom to pee. I decided that the only way out of this situation was to be like gmail and sync my pooping with the sound of his flush. I prepared myself to push as soon as I heard the sound of his pee stream go from a roar to a faint trickle. The second the flush started, I unleashed my shitomic bomb. Mission impossible accomplished. It felt so good. I felt like Michael Phelps, after winning the 8th Gold Medal. I waited till he left, then quickly washed my hands and left. One of the written rules of bathroom conduct is "Do not make eye contact with people that you've pooped with." That would just increase the awkwardness exponentially.
I'm never ever pooping in the work restroom again. I don't care if soil myself. It's much better than the super awkward moment I just endured.
Comments (42)
amazing. we're both going to post about pooping at work today.
after living in a house full of guys back at school, i no longer give a shit about shitting with ppl nearby.
Hahaha... you HAD just to go in there when there were two other people in the stalls. Just your luck, huh?
Your most epic, and horrifying stories for you ALWAYS have to do with excrement! What is it with you, bathrooms, and pooping? Worst threesome ever!
This was hilarious.
LOL ... your bathroom experiences are top notch.
lolol. if i have to poo, i go to a notoriously empty bathroom. next time, have handy adult diapers!!
HAHhahAhahahahAHahahaHH!!!!!! yahhh that happened to me b4 =X
you think too much. hahaha
haha why didn't you flush your own toilet while you release your bomb to mask the sound? but then i guess you'd have to flush it at least once more after you cleaned yourself up.
syncing your poop up with the flush, hahaha. Excellent choice of words.
Im such a retard that for about a year now, I thought you had 4 computer screens in your computer area. I thought so...bc my lil brother has 2 for some reason....different angles when he plays world wars or counter strike or whatever game that you talk to ppl with a headphone and shoot your enemies ? I just now realized its just a pic, 4 times in a row! Dang.
You like poopie?
feel better? lol
lol you do love writing about shit. oh wuwu.
i live in dorms so i have to deal with that every single day D:
hahahahahaah....it's sucha wuwu thing to do! LOL.
@oOBuBBLes711Oo - LOL! that's an old setup actually. now i have dual 24" monitors.
I had a similar situation last week at school! Cept I just let it rip because it was a crowded bathroom. No girl would ever suspect little chelle
<3
You and your pooping/bathroom stories
. I'm glad to say I don't have nearly as many stories as you about those topics haha.
@lil_teen_azn_grl - the tiniest girls take the biggest shits!
That was one epic pooping mission. You survived!
Way to go, tiger
Yes. I agree with you. Pooping with others in the restroom SUCK! and its super ackward. Also gross. I hate public washrooms. Since I'm a girl, we have to use the stalls all the time. I hoover when I go pee so my bum doesnt' touch the seat. Pooping in public washrooms doesn't work. Like you. I try to wait until I go home! *sighs*
But good thinking!!! Genius!
It's far worse when you find yourself sandwiched between two sh*tters and you're just there for number 1. Ambush.
i hope you overcome your fear of pooping
how did you solve the toilet paper problem?
And wouldn't soiling yourself involve you running to the bathroom to clean up yourself even more of an awkward situation? plus the smell? And what if someone walks in while you're cleaning your soiled underwear? THAT'd be even more horrific no?
I think pooping sandwiched between two stalls ain't no thang compared to what could be worse.
cheers to pooping!
LOL
I don't feel comfortable pooping in public places either. I try to avoid it much as possible.
shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit man!!
Hahaha you are too funny!
good timing.
I feel exactly the same way you do and I do the same things. Were we separated at birth perhaps?
That's just too funny!
i understand how awkward that can get especially when you've a bombastically loud shitomic bomb. lol
this was awesome. good for you for being smart enough to sync your poop with the flush!
Aw, performance anxiety.
Sorry you had to through that. You must have felt like crap.
Holy crap that was funny! *snicker, snicker*
I'm glad that tricky situation was conquered. well done.
LOL!
Omg...I was at the edge of my seat reading this post. I'm glad you survived that.
Glad I stumbled across this. Hahaha
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