Glowing Blue Penis (GBP) FTW
This past weekend, I've been hearing/reading a lot of things about Watchmen. It's being mentioned a lot on Xanga, Facebook, & Twitter. It seems like half the people that watched it liked/loved it, and the other hated it.
The people that hated it complained about the 2 hour 45 min. runtime, storyline, and a plethora of other things. I really don't get how anyone could hate this film. The character, Dr. Manhattan, has a GBP! It is revolutionary. What other film in history has a GBP? Shoot, even if this whole movie was whack, just the fact that it had a GBP should make it a 5 star movie.
Yes, the GBP was rather small. But when the owner of that aforementioned penis could teleport you to Mars, transform into a giant and clone himself, I won't be complaining. Just think of all the possibilities.
I saw the 1:45AM showing of Watchmen. I did not fall asleep at any part of the movie. I could not risk missing a scene where they showed the GBP. What's better than seeing a GBP in the big screen? seeing a GBP in IMAX.
For those of you that haven't seen the movie yet, here's a glimpse of what you'll see. This is the best pic I can find, even though you can't really see the GBP.
My Romantic Date with Jigg
Last March, when I first visited New York, I met up with Jigg. We had a romantic date at Ninja New York. He even got all dressed up...awww. Look at his pink tie, isn't it cute?. The night consisted of good food (which included oysters, chocolate, and other aphrodisiacs), plenty of drinks, and awesome entertainment. While I won't divulge the juicy details of what went down afterwards (because a gentlemen never kisses and tells), I will leave you with this pic.
Let's just say...we had a very happy ending.
Shitty Contact: FML^2
When I got back from my East Coast tour, I had to take a mega-shit. I've been eating non-stop during the whole trip, and I think I only pooped twice in the duration of the 7 days. It's not that I didn't want to poop, but when I go on vacations, so does my colon. I just don't feel the urge to go as often as I do when I'm at home. I got back around 3:30AM early Friday morning, and I ran to the bathroom as soon as I stepped inside my house. I plopped my bony ass down on the toilet and started working my magic. I lost count of how many times I pushed, but I'm pretty sure I filled my toilet up to the rim. The 5 lbs I gained during the trip just instantly went down the pooper, literally. I chilled for a bit on the toilet, to relax from all the exhaustive work I just did. My eyes were a bit dry from the 7 hour fly. What's a guy to do? Of course the first thing I do is to rub my eye. BAAAAAAAADD idea.
As I rubbed my left eye, I heard a small *clink* and realized that my contact came off. Then it suddenly hit me, like a speeding bullet train. My contact could be in one of three places: a) on my jacket b) on the floor and c) in the toilet, with my huge pile of shit.
While it would make for a good FML, please don't let it be C. PLEASE GOD, PLEASE! I looked at my jacket. Nope, not there. I looked around on the ground. Nope, not there either. Then I looked in the toilet. And of course, there is my left contact, chillin' like a villain on top of my huge pile of shit. I was about to let out a huge banshee scream, but opted to pull my pubes out instead. What can I say, I'm a considerate neighbor.
Then comes my dilemma: to retrieve or not to retrieve?
I had to think fast. I must've processed a hundred thoughts within those first seconds of realizing my contact is sitting on poop, my own poop. A part of me wanted to just flush it. But the Chinese part of me wouldn't let me. I wear hard contacts, and those are about $150 for each lens. Also, does the 5 second rule that people use on food apply here too?
After careful consideration, I decided to retrieve. I can't flush $150 down the toilet just because it touched shit. Besides, it's my own shit. I put on a latex glove, and grabbed the lens. Luckily, there were no hershey stains on my lens. I soaked and washed the lens in hot water and proceeded to rinse it with the contact lens cleaner for a few minutes. I let it soak in the solution for the whole day and wore my glasses to work instead. When I got home, I did another round of rinsing and soaking. I didn't wear my contact again till Saturday morning, and my eyes are fine so far.
As I'm sitting here typing this entry, I'm wearing a contact lens that has touched poop. I wish to God that this story was made up, but unfortunately, it's a 100% true story.
East Coast Trip Checklist
As I mentioned in my pulse a few weeks ago, I'm doing an East Coast Trip with my lover, gerk. We'll be hitting up D.C., Philly, NYC and Boston all within a week ( 2/20 - 2/26 ). I've only been to NYC so I'll be visiting many new cities. I'm deathly afraid of the cold though, especially since I'm spoiled living in Socal and I get cold easily. I have like 6% body fat to keep me warm.
I made myself a checklist for the trip. Being the hardcore procrastinator that I am, of course I waited last minute to do everything. Hopefully I can get all this done. I only have one day.
The Best FML EVER!
I was having a shitty day at work, but when I read this FML, I realized life is not that bad. Thank you FML! For the few that don't know about FML yet, go to fmylife.com.
"Today, my boss called me into his office to show me the web site of a potential business partner. When he began to type 'virginia' into google, it auto-completed his search with his recent search for 'virgin boy assholes'. I have to go on business trip with him tomorrow. I'm a young guy. FML"
P.S. Sorry to disappoint you, but I didn't submit this FML. I kinda wish it was me though.
My Dad Has More Facebook Friends Than Me. FML
A few weeks ago, I got a friend request from my dad. Of course I clicked "Ignore." I'm more than happy that my dad has embraced the whole Web 2.0 Social Networking movement, but I'm not ready to have him on my friends list. I write inappropriate, vulgar statuses all the time and I'm not thrilled at the idea of my dad poking me or buying me as a pet. Also, the last thing I need to read is "25 Random Facts" about my dad. Yes, I know I can limit him with the nifty privacy settings, but that's just too much work on my part.
Last night, I was really bored and decided to e-stalk my dad on Facebook. Yes, I was THAT bored. I had already masturbated (four times), picked my nose and watched the latest episode of "Up in the Club" by Wongfu, what else is there left for me to do?
Let's see how many friends he has.
How did he get from 0 to 464 friends in a matter of weeks? When did my dad become such a social butterfly? Is this his revenge for declining his friend request? Did I remember to poop this morning? So many questions rushed through my mind.
I guess all I can do now is sign up for an account on fmylife.com, submit my story and hope that it gets featured on the front page. FML
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