Punishable by Death

I was enjoying myself the other night, masturbating to some good ol' American gay porn, when I see a moving shadow from the corner of my eye. I look to my left and see a giant daddy long leg crawling across my wall. I'm not afraid of spiders, nor do I hate them, but I don't like the idea of one living in my bedroom. At first, I was just going to ignore him, but then I got creeped out because he was totally staring at my cock. That perv! His eight beady eyes glued on my chinese sausage. Besides, he who interrupts me during my precious alone time, does not deserve to live. So I took a little break from my hand exercise to dispose of the intruder.

I already had some toilet paper prepared (for my splooge). As I inched closer and closer to him, he went behind my computer and hid under some wires. "You can run, but you can't hide!", I thought to myself. Well, apparently, I was wrong. He can hide, and very well I may add. I spent the next 10 minutes looking for him and could not find him. I was still naked with a humongous boner, down on all fours looking for a damn spider.

I decided to dim the lights, to trick him into thinking it's safe to come out. While I waited for him, I decided to resume my previous activity. No use waiting and wasting time doing nothing. A minute turns into five, then fifteen, and still no sign of the spider. Where the fuck did he go? Did he teleport out of my room? At this point, I didn't even care about busting a nut anymore, I was more set on finding him and killing him for ruining my night.

Just when I was about to give up and go to bed, he crawls out from god knows where and I see him on the wall. I grabbed the toilet paper and killed him with the quickness. AH HA! Who knew you could get more pleasure from killing a spider than having an orgasm?