January 21, 2009
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Engaged but Dateless
Engaged but Dateless
I was at my co-worker's x-mas party a few weeks ago, and met an engaged couple. We were all talking about how they got engaged. I asked, "So, when is the wedding?" The whole room froze and silence devoured the room. You could hear an ant fart. I thought to myself, "Awkward snapping turtle. What did I say wrong?" You should've seen the look on the groom's face. He looked like he saw Death. Then someone mentions to me "Umm....that's not something you're suppose to ask."
I'm sorry, but when was it taboo to ask when the wedding is to an engaged couple? I certainly had no idea. I've always thought that normally, engaged couples set a date pretty soon after becoming engaged. I remember Pam and her fiancee from "The Office". They were engaged for 3 years before they finally set a date, but I thought that was an exception, and not the norm.
Apparently, the groom has yet to set a date and the bride was rather annoyed. I guess it was a touchy subject for them, and I brought it up in the middle of happy times. Buzzkill. Shit, my bad. I won't ever ask an engaged couple when their wedding is.
I guess I know nothing about this marriage stuff. Oh well, I won't be getting married anytime soon anyway (even if I were legally able to).
Comments (35)
LOL im not even gonna ask "are you taken/single" because that would just open up a can of worms!
weird...I didn't know it was taboo either!
you learn something new everyday. I would've done the same thing. Woops!
What?? That's odd, never heard that was a taboo. Maybe that was just a odd group haha.
oops. not your fault they can't get their act together
i'd still ask, who the hell becomes engaged and not having a wedding day planned?
oh no you didnt!
your mother taught you better and you know it.
THAT's a taboo?? haha. weird. everyone openly ask when's the wedding like it is the next biggest event of the year here.
That's weird! Asking when is the wedding is normal. I guess they did not talk about that part yet lol its not wrong to ask lol
Can you demonstrate the awkward snapping turtle?
Know regular ol' awkward turtle, awkward snowman, awkward moose, awkward five-legged octopus...
why the hell would you get engaged and not think of a wedding date??? Idiots.
Hmm, sounds like troubles in the relationship? She wants to get married sooner than later and he... No so much?
I can understand not setting a date right away thought, because some people do that... They get engaged to show they are fully committed to each other or they just need time.
When we got engaged, we knew it would be "next-next" year, to give us time to plan but a date wasn't actually nailed down until after some research.
In any case, keep asking! It's not taboo to ask. It's natural.
They're just a special case.
I had no idea it was taboo. I think any couple that is engaged should expect the question and some good natured teasing about it if the date is set yet.
that's retarded. it's not taboo and it's not your fault...so stupid...
I think as long as gay marriage is illegal, the LGBT community should ask this question with reckless abandon. When told off, retort 'Oh sorry, I didn't know. That happens when you're legally discriminated against and excluded from something.' That should get the straight voters' acts together. Oh snap (-ing turtle)!!!
I know a couple who had a date before they were technically engaged.
Btw, Jim would be a fiance with only one e. : )
oh wow. That's weird. o_o
Whatever...that's not taboo, they just suck. You should have made the situation more awkward...saying something about getting knocked up or the like.
maybe it's just that couple with a "pam problem"... or some other problem where they have their own issues. i never thought that was a problem... i always ask. but now i know to take caution.
your group is just weird. it's a natural question to ask that!
I wouldn't have seen that as taboo. Shit, if they're having problems, just casually say "We haven't decided yet." Simple at that. If they say they're engaged, they should effin' expect people to ask that question. It's like asking a 7-month pregnant woman if she knows the sex of her baby. It's expected y'all.
Reminds me of the time one of my friends introduced me to a fellow as her 'steady'. Someone overheard, and instantly presumed 'fiancee', and within five minutes someone had called her parents to ask when the wedding was...
I think engagements with no set date are ridiculous. (at least some vague time frame would be better than just "the future") As are "promise rings." You ain't promising anything! As for the scenario you dealt with, it's ironic how engagements are supposed to be happy things but this couple just made it such a negative/awkward thing for themselves. -__-
I remember this one time my friends told me a mutual friend that I don't see very often was engaged. When I bumped into her at a party, I congratulated her engagement (I think marriage is a terrible idea, but we're obligated to congratulate them anyway, right?). The next week when we hung out again, I asked her when the wedding date was. I got the same stunned reaction as you from the crowd. Then she told me that they had just broken off the wedding a couple days ago. Doh!
@coolmonkey -
It might have just been a touchy subject for this particular couple or in coolmonkey's case.
But maybe.. "HAVE you picked a date yet?" is an easier question to simply say "no" to. A date may be difficult to come by due to availability of the venue and schedules. But I definitely do not see it as something inappropriate to ask.
That's lame. People ask that question all the time....you should've ant farted right back at them!
i don't think it's taboo. you just didn't know she had a problem with not having a date. i asked people before who didn't have a date and they'd just say, "in a little bit when we have a better footing/graduate/win the lottery." I don't think it's a big deal in terms of what the couple works out. It's just that this couple didn't seem to have anything worked out yet that seems to be the problem. next time you see them, you should ask if they "have a date, yet?" hehehe. i dunno. maybe you could get around this by asking if they have a date, instead of when the date is.
Look it up on Miss Manners, or something... I'm sure that can't be a violation of etiquette. If you'reright then go instruct those who told you it was taboo. Then remind them which one is the dessert fork.
... I never knew that was taboo. People ask all the time and no one that I know really has problems with it. I guess maybe because there are underlying issues with them.
Being engaged doesn't necessarily mean marriage soon to me. It just means that the commitment is there, and you want it to be known... but you're just waiting on a better time to actually tie the knot. *shrugs*
I'll have to remember that so i don't do it myself
You could always move to Vancouver,get married and move back.
Does that count?
=o.
i think you just happened to ask the wrong question to the wrong people
Hahaha, you're killa killa!
Wow that is weird... usually most couples start planning/setting the date for a wedding. I've been engaged for 1 year now and we set a date, but it didn't turn out too well. Then we had to postpone it to early Dec, which would make me be engaged for almost 2 years (which I think is long). But I don't see many people being engaged for way too long. Maybe the guy is not ready to commit? lol!
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